Head Lice and Other Tragedies

To what extent is it healthy to be able to let go of things beyond individual control?

I always try to think about this sort of thing in two ways.  First, I consider it from a secular point of view.  I would think that most psychologists and psychoanalysts would consider it perfectly healthy to be able to just dismiss the circumstances and move on.  Then I consider it from a more religious stance, and I remember the line from the AA meetings:  Let go, let God.  We can't control everything, and too strong an inner need to attempt to control everything leads to madness, and in that madness, self-medication.

So what brings up this topic at this time?  My daughter.  She was due to begin camp today.  We had everything packed, she was all ready, and then we arrived at camp.  She checked in, then checked in with the nurse.  And the nurse found head lice.

I was horrorstruck.  I had seen the signs at the day camp where Audra and Jackson are spending their days this summer that they had two confirmed cases.  "Doesn't affect me,"  I thought.  "My kids are clean."  Guess what?  That doesn't matter.  I was still operating under the assumption that only dirty people get lice.  So not true, I found out.  But this isn't about me.  This is about my daughter.

My wife broke the news to my daughter like a doctor breaking the news to a cancer patient.  "I'm so sorry," she said.  I watched Audra's reaction.  I also watched her for a reaction to the news she has head lice (had - first stop was Walgreen's for a lice treatment kit and we are still washing every bit of washable fabric in the house and spraying the rest).

There was maybe a flash of disappointment as the news hit home...and then she was off and playing and joking with her younger brother again like nothing had happened.  And I wondered, is this healthy?

I didn't want her to have a fit.  Or break down in tears.  But a little more disappointment seemed a little in order to me.

Of course, this is also the girl, who upon being told that her errant behavior in kindergarten made both me and her mother very said, "Oh, do what I do.  If something makes me sad, I just don't think about it."

And she still doesn't.  I wonder how it is to be that way.  Everything in my life that has ever hurt me or disappointed me or caused me emotional pain seems to within arm's length at any given time.  I can distinctly remember the pain of being rejected by peers as a child and by employers as an adult with just a casual foray into my memory.

This doesn't seem to exist for my daughter.  And I wonder.  Will she be happier than me?  I certainly hope so.