Prufrock, or that damned snickering eternal Footman.

The entire poem is here: Prufrock

This is the poem that often runs through my head.  It is the song that, while I recognize its flaws, I will probably always consider it my own special song.

T.S. Eliot.  A genius.  And I don't consider him a genius because of "The Wasteland," that work of his that gets so much attention.  That poem is for smart people.  When I have to refer to footnote after footnote to catch references in order to even begin to understand it, then I have a hard time putting any kind of emotional investment into it.

Ah, but Prufrock.  I get this poem.  It speaks to me, and affects me.  The language is simple, the main character is...well, me, and conversely the me I'm glad I'm not.

I have seen a poster utilizing one of the lines from the poem as a caption, "Do I dare disturb the universe?"  This line, in isolation, is inspirational.  In the context of the poem, however, it is a sad statement concerning the doubts that assail each of us when we consider endeavors that will draw attention to ourselves.  Sad, because for the main character of the poem, that answer is no.  And while this is a great line, it is not the line that keeps me awake at night.  Sometimes, yes, I do dare to disturb the universe.  Maybe not as often as I could, but universe-disturbing should probably not be a constant labor.

The line that always gets me is "and I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker/and in short, I was afraid."  Oh, poor Prufrock.  He knows there will be no posterity for him.  He never asserted himself, he never pushed anything to a conclusion because he was afraid the answer would be no.

Fear is awful.  Fear of failure is worse than failure.  Failure teaches.  Failure hurts, but it is also an opportunity for growth.  Fear of failure is simply paralysis.  Nothing changes, nothing gets better.

I regret most often the times I didn't try because of fear of failure.  Currently, I'm experiencing a lot of failure, and it hurts.  But I also believe that I'm growing.  Even at this late date in my life, I'm growing.  If nothing else, I'm growing more compassionate for others who have faced failure.

But what if I had tried harder earlier, what if I hadn't let the fear of failure stop me?  Where would I be?  I don't know, and that kind of speculation is really pointless.  Regret is useful only to the extent that it drives us to not repeat the circumstances that brought about the regret.  I must try now.  That is all that matters.

I will disturb the universe at times.  I will eat a peach.  And yes, the mermaids will sing to me.  I may fail, but those mermaids damn sure will be singing for me.