Many of my friends on Facebook are former students. Young people. And I witness daily at least one case or another of a freshly broken heart. But it isn't always the young people. I see people my age who go through the same thing, just not as often. That's probably a good thing, but still...
So many.
Broken hearts happen all the time. To everybody. But there is nothing quite so personal or so painful as having one.
I think I suffered from quite a few broken hearts. Enough that I actually became pretty good at understanding what I was going through, why I was going through it, and what I had to do to make the pain stop. So here's some advice for anyone dealing with a broken heart:
1) Let yourself be sad. You can try anger, you can try righteous indignation, or you can try denying sadness and pretend to be manically happy. But the truth is, sad is the appropriate response. You are losing something. It's okay to be sad. Sad is part of acceptance.
2) Once you have gained acceptance, then it is time to realize that while it may not feel that way, you will get over your broken heart. You have to. You know that feeling where you wonder if it's even worth it to get out of bed, to go to work, to go to school? It goes away. It will. It takes time, but it will go away. And you do have some power to make it go away. The most important phrase I learned concerning how to deal with a broken heart is this one: "I'm going to have to start getting over this eventually. Why not start now?" And then I would get up and go to work or go to school or go for a bike ride or mow the yard.
3) One of the easiest things you can do to help yourself get rid of a broken heart is: nothing. Even if you do absolutely nothing to get over your broken heart, it will heal. At first, every waking moment will be consumed with the knowledge that you have a broken heart. Then after a while, you will have to start reminding yourself occasionally that you have a broken heart. Eventually, you may even go whole days without thinking about your broken heart. Of course, this is the slow method. This method may take a long, long time. I don't really recommend it. There are two other quicker methods, and both work, but the side effects are completely different.
4) Quickest way to get over a broken heart: Fall in love with someone else. Yes, you can really do that. It will be a brittle kind of love, most likely. Rebound love. This love will be driven by self-interest. You don't want to let self-interest do the driving because self-interest has extremely short-term goals. Self-interest will lead you to pick the wrong partner. If the wrong partner discovers first that he/she is the wrong partner, he/she will leave you and you're back to square one on the heartbreak thing. Or eventually that broken heart heals (as it would have done anyway) and you realize that you selected someone to be with for all the wrong reasons and you need to bail, probably breaking that person's heart in the process. Side effects: broken heart #2 or spending a lot of time with someone you eventually realize you don't love.
5) Not so quick way, but quicker than doing nothing: Devote your time to growing. If the heart is a muscle (and I'm talking figurative heart, we all know the literal heart is a muscle), then when it is broken and healing, you need to devote yourself to working out the other strengths you have in order to compensate for the one that is healing. Work on your friendships. Spend time with people who you like to be with. Work on your inner life. Go places, do things, see things. Do interesting things, even if you don't feel like it. Go on a wild cave tour. Ride in a hot air balloon. Eat a sea urchin. Read a book that you have always thought you should read but never have. Strengthen relationships within your family. Build something. As you do this, your heart will heal. And when it has healed, you will be a stronger, more interesting person overall.
I don't claim to know everything about how to get over a broken heart. I only know what has worked for me. To answer the question, "When will I stop feeling like this?" is not a simple answer, and the answer isn't really satisfactory.
You will stop feeling that way when you do. And when you decide that you want to stop feeling that way badly enough to do something about it.
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