Finding Something to Say

Amazingly, I have nothing I really want to say this week. I'm finding it difficult to select a topic from the few that I have been considering, not because they are so fascinating, but because I can't generate enthusiasm sufficient to even make them interesting to me.

So I'm indulging myself in one of the oldest writer's tricks: when you have nothing to say, say it anyway. I always tried to get students to do this when they told me they couldn't think of anything to write.

"Just start writing," I'd say.

"I don't have anything to say," they'd say.

"So write that. Then write about why you don't have anything to say, or what is going on that is distracting you from writing, or just begin to write about your topic and how difficult it is to write anything on it. And when you reach that point, start writing about why it's hard to write about that topic." I think this may have even worked once or twice.

So I'm trying it.

I started to write about how I feel  I can't write about certain things I think or some beliefs I have. This is true. I can't. I'm looking for a job right now. This blog is public. I could possibly write something that may offend someone, or negatively influence my chances to get a position.

There are topics that must be avoided. I suppose this would be a good time to point out that all writing must take a potential audience into consideration. Audience.

But once I state that there are certain things I can't say, then I can't say much more about that. I have to demonstrate an ability to censor myself. This can be important in all social settings, and in all careers, but is crucial in teaching. So next topic.

I could revisit posts in the past about weather, and working. My younger brother and I worked down at the farm yesterday shoring up a sagging fence. I found that enjoyable. It was a beautiful day. We shored up a fence. But I didn't gain an epiphany from the experience.

My children and I have been running twice. Jackson is participating in Soul to Sole (or maybe it's Sole to Soul), so we had a program to keep over his spring break. Audra, my daughter, runs with us, although somewhat reluctantly. But I'm proud of how well she runs. She easily outpaced Jackson and I. But that hasn't really captured my imagination enough to allow me to run with the topic.

So I'll just jump from topic to topic, I guess. A compendium of experiences and not much deep thought.

I went to dinner with my family and my grandmother for her 96th birthday this past Saturday. She fell coming out of the restaurant. Tripped over a curb. Aside from some abrasions, though, she's okay. That's kind of amazing. She's amazing.

So much to write about, but so little ability on my part to invest experience with meaning. And this is something I really need to do. This makes my life worthwhile: the ability to reflect. I can feel the difference in myself when I am able to create meaning from experience. I'm happier. When I'm not reflecting, I'm not living. I'm just existing.

So this is my entry for this week. I hope by next week I'm back to living. I think exercise will help. I hope. I'm going to work on it. I will find something I want to say again.