Cognitive Dissonance Is Why You Are Better Than Me

It started with Benjamin Franklin. More specifically, the Ben Franklin effect. I stumbled upon an article describing his theory of social interaction. He posited that we don't do favors for people we like, but that we like people we do favors for. The obverse side is that we are not mean to people we dislike, but we dislike people because we are mean to them. After a little more research into this phenomenon, I am not sure I buy in completely, but I do believe that there is certainly something to be said for the idea.

The basic idea is that we alter our perceptions of people based on our interactions with them. If we do something nice for someone, we tend to like them more. This is caused by a resolution of another phenomenon I eventually found called cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance occurs when we do something that interferes with a principle or belief we hold. If we believe that we are not suckers, and then we do a favor for someone we normally wouldn't, then cognitive dissonance is created. Then the magic happens.

We resolve our cognitive dissonance by altering an idea or perception. We may hold onto our initial belief (I am not a sucker), so something has to give. What gives is our attitude concerning the person for whom we did the favor. We decide that we like the person. That makes us not a sucker. We did a favor for someone we like. And the opposite is true. When we are mean to someone, we don't want to think of ourselves as mean people. So the person or people we are being mean to must have done something to deserve it.

Some people will utilize the Ben Franklin effect for gain. Benjamin Franklin certainly did. This does not have to be a bad thing. However, the dark side of the Ben Franklin effect can cause war atrocities.

But cognitive dissonance affects different people in different ways. Some of the best managers I have seen have had the ability to resolve cognitive dissonance in such a way that they were able to maintain a healthy self-image while making the hard decisions. The decision to fire people, demote people, to ask people to do things they don't want to do.

I once worked at a company with a group of people who were so able to resolve their cognitive dissonance that they could push other people to extremities and still go home and feel good about themselves. While this may have made for a very successful company, it made for a questionable morality in the workplace. I was amazed how well these people could justify their actions. Many of them engaged in adulterous affairs. One individual in upper management was well-known as a philanderer, but he was a regular church-goer. I can only imagine how he justified the conflicting behaviors.

I can only imagine because I can't ever see myself doing it. I was a terrible manager. I agonized over the hard decisions. I was in a constant state of stress. If I could have made better resolutions to my cognitive dissonance, I would have been more successful. I am too full of doubts to ever convincingly and effectively resolve my cognitive dissonances.

Or am I just justifying my failures by resolving my cognitive dissonance in a way that still allows me to feel good about myself?